Flying in Middle Earth (for Tolkien fans)

Elves can fly!

FR 305: "'If Elves could fly over mountains, they might fetch the Sun to save us,' answered Gandalf."
Now Gandalf was a Very Serious person.  Why would he have suggested Elves could fly if they couldn't?  Are you calling Gandalf a liar?

Akallabeth: "And thence at times the Firstborn still would come sailing to Numenor in oarless boats, as white birds flying from the sunset."
  
It's evident to every sensible person that this passage says the elves _flew_ to Numenor. "Flying" -- "flew" -- get it?

RK 414: "Not that any of the Quendi ever possessed wings of the body, as unnatural to them as to men."

When Tolkien says "as" he means "like", which means "possibly", which means "not really".  Evidently Tolkien is saying here that wings were _not_ unnatural to the Quendi!  Why would Tolkien even bring up wings if the
Elves didn't have them?  It's perfectly obvious!  And if you challenge my interpretation, you are calling me a liar, and I shall TAUNT you!

Dwarves can fly!

  The Hobbit (Thanks to Wendy Zinger for this ref. and commentary!):
  "There were lots of dragons in the North in those days, and gold was probably getting scarce up there, with the dwarves flying south or getting killed, and the general waste and destruction that dragons make going from bad to worse."
   
Hence, not only do dwarves fly, they are also migratory.  It is very probable that upon flying south the Dwarves molted, and were obliged to make their return trip on foot.  :)

Hobbits can fly!

TT 92: "That at least is enough to show that he was a hobbit, without the mallorn-leaf.  After that, I suppose, he turned his arms into wings and flew away singing into the trees.  It should be easy to find him: we only need wings ourselves!"

Legolas was a Very Serious person, not known for jokes.  Why would he have suggested that the hobbit had wings if he didn't?  Are you calling Legolas a liar?  And furthermore, he says "It should be easy to find him", proving that he himself had wings!

The Men of Gondor can fly!

RK 98: "Men are flying from the walls and leaving them unmanned."
   "Why?  Why do the fools fly?" said Denethor.

Why would Denethor have said that they could fly if they couldn't? Are you calling Denethor a liar?Besides, _I_ just flew in from Minas Tirith.  And gee--- my arms are tired!

The Rohirrim can fly!

RK 112: "Arise, arise, Riders of Theoden!"

Now, when Tolkien says "arise", he generally means "fly".  So what Theoden is saying is "Fly, fly, Riders of Theoden!"  Now why would he have said that if they couldn't fly?

Oliphaunts can fly!

Ever see "Dumbo"?

Ballhogs can fly!

If they've got "Air Jordans".

Pigs can fly!

    "...a day on which very unlikely events such as the flying of pigs or (in the Shire) the walking of trees might occur."

Well, in Middle-earth, trees can walk.  If trees can walk, ipso facto pigs can fly.  That's logic.
Besides, Tolkien was a Very Serious person.  He wouldn't have said that pigs could fly if they couldn't.  Are you calling Tolkien a liar?